You might see Tinder as an evil, hedonistic playground, but the truth is at least half of US couples meet now through online dating. An extensive 2017 study found that 39% of heterosexual couples, and 60% of same-sex couples met online. (source) And that was four years ago! After the pandemic lockdowns, I wouldn't be surprised if the number becomes 85% or more this year. We'll see what the new data shows, but let's face it...
In 2022, the primary way to find dates is online.
Couples are no longer meeting through work, school, or friends like in the past. Additionally, meeting at bars and clubs is “associated with relatively low levels of marital satisfaction”. (source)
Not only are a majority of couples now meeting online, but there is a correlation between meeting online and higher levels of compatibility, commitment, and relationship quality. (source)
Tinder, OKCupid and Bumble are the top three apps leading to marriage proposals, according to The Knot. Hinge, Match and Plenty of Fish are also noteworthy contributors to nuptials. (source)
"If so many people are finding love through dating apps, why am I still single?"
I hear this all the time from beautiful, smart, successful women who only seem to find boy toys, "situationships" and emotionally unavailable men online.
This may be a tough pill to swallow, but if it's not working, you are doing it wrong.
And yes, so are your single friends.
So what needs to change? This is the first blog in a series that will answer common questions like which online dating app to choose, how to write your bio, which photos to use, how to converse, and other advice to help you cut the crap and attract a meaningful relationship online.
Since you are looking for a needle in a haystack, I urge you to stop getting distracted by all the hay. Is someone being rude? Block them and move on. Got ghosted? Find someone new to fill the spot. You realize your guy is emotionally unavailable after 3 months of dating? Ditch him and keep on dating.
You might be thinking "easier said than done!" Right? I know. I feel for you. It can be an emotional minefield out there, and you can't control how other people behave. But you can absolutely influence your experience and outcomes, increasing your positive conversations, quality of matches, and fun dates IRL.
The good news is that there are multiple "needles" in the haystack who could become your loving partner. You don't have just one soul mate or twin flame out there in the world. Soul mate relationships aren't just found, they are created intentionally.
A great profile will help you make more connections, but it's not enough on it's own. The most important factors are about YOU: What you believe, what you expect, how you feel about yourself, what you are holding onto from your past, how relaxed and comfortable you are, and how you interact with your potential suitors.
Your mindset is the #1 key to finding love online.
Most people don't even realize that their own mindset is their #1 block in their love life. The root of these blocks are often buried in our subconscious, beneath the day-to-day thinking and list-making in our conscious mind.
When you feel insecure, uncomfortable, hurt, closed off, skeptical, negative, or are holding onto limiting beliefs about men, femininity or relationships, this will 100% get in the way of you finding love.
Doing the emotional, mental and spiritual inner work will dramatically change your experience and results. Facing your shadow, healing your past, and transforming your mindset will open your heart and magnetize the relationship of your dreams.
It all starts with your relationship with yourself. This is why I created my love coaching program:
"Love Yourself, Love Your Life, and Have Lasting Love"
If you feel as though you'll never find a lasting, compatible partner who loves you, it can leave you feeling frustrated, exhausted, and discouraged.
Imagine feeling confident, playful, light-hearted and at ease throughout your dating journey. When you prioritize self-love, self-care, and self-compassion, you can naturally and effortlessly magnetize an amazing man.
If your love life is currently disappointing or nonexistent, I still have good news for you. You deserve to be happy, you don't have to settle or be alone, and you CAN find a partner who will adore and cherish you.
You have the power to take back control of your life!
Sources:
1. "Disintermediating your friends: How Online Dating in the United States displaces other ways of meeting" by sociologists Michael Rosenfeld and Sonia Hausen of Stanford University and Reuben Thomas of University of New Mexico, 2019.
2. "Dating Apps Are Making Marriages Stronger - Couples who meet online tend to communicate better and have longer, happier relationships". Peggy Drexler, Wall Street Journal, 2019.
3. "Dating Apps Can Lead to Less Divorce, According to Research: Here's why users are finding love at first swipe." Sarah Hanlon, The Knot, 2020.